is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
