I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
