Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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