Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's Friday. Sex?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
