): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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