If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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