This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
