It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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