If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
