I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize