oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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