remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
