i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
