We won't sleep together?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
