I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
