Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
