Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
