I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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