Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize