Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
