Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
