Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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