dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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