He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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