he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
