Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
