jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
