She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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