Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
