I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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