we're blogging at a bar
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
