I look better un-naked...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
