Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
