You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm really into asian looking animals
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
