im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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