I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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