i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
