it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
