that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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