I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
