i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
