Just cropdusted the office
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
