My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
