Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
