Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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