Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
