I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
