the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Randomize
