your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
