Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
