she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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