you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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