Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
