some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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