Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
