Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
