You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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