Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
