God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
