if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
