the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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