OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
