You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
