If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
