pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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