I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
