Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
