so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
