Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
