I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
