your parents love me but you hate me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
