But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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