We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
