So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
