Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
