Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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