sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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