why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
