It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
how drunk are you?
Several
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize